i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
