Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
