Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
