Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
