three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
