so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
