genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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