O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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