i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
