Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
