Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
