im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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