I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
