His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
