oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
