I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
