So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
