So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
