She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
