headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
