Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
