I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize