i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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