So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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