Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
