He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
