This is not my ceiling
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
