Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
