Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
