just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
