Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
