I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't deserve a penis
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
