You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
