I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
