And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
