I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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