A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
