Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
