i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Randomize
