No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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