I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
