He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
