are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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