Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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