new low.... made out with someone while peeing
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
