I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
