Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
