So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
