she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
