They should really pass out barf bags in church
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
