Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
