I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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