420 ftw
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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