If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
