Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
