took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
