I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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