"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
