I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
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Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
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I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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