This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
