I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
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cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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