The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
