I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
