i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
