If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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