You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
