if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
