he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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