Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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