I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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