Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
