I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
