just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
