when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
