I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
