but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize